Not Just The Woman's Fault

It's been a rough week for "Waiting To Exhale" actress Lela Rochon. If there's a woman in the world who could see pictures of their husband (Hollywood director Antonine Fuqua, who they are still with and married to,) living his best life in Italy kissing a 'self-declared 'family friend' - Nicole Murphy - the body tastic ex-wife of Eddie Murphy; and not feel like she's been stabbed through the heart repeatedly, then she's a better woman than me for sure. 

Rochon's humiliation has been compounded, not just by the multiple insensitive body-shaming commentaries she received - she has put on a significant amount of weight since her 'Exhale' days. 

In addition to her weight-gain, there's been some pretty public airing of her husband's dirty laundry, exposing him as a serial cheater and the father to at least two acknowledged children, who arrived in the world, during the course of Antonine Fuqua's 20 year marriage to Rochan. 

Murphy got slammed because she has 'form' for pursuing married men in the past. Rapper Brat actress sister Lisa Raye called Murphy out for the historic 'side chick' move of messing with Raye's ex-husband Michael Misick (former President of Turks and Caicos and coincidentally another serial cheater), Raye's denouncement of Murphy, was backed up by Da Brat, when pressed on the subject during an edition of her Dish Nation show. 

Don't get me wrong I have absolutely no sympathy for Nicole Murphy. She might have got an 'ignorance is bliss pass' if say she said still in her 20s. Yes, remember your roaring 20s when you made many a frankly, dumb ass mistake, only to find your self be forgiven for them, overcoming them and even sometimes making hem again, with limited overall life consequences. 

The reason I believe Murphy has been pillared is that she is a 'grown woman' with five (yes five) children, who actively and very physically connected with her 'friend's husband, with seemingly no care as to who might see her with him. By no stretch of the imagination is that cool. 

Yes she is to blame, but the biggest blame has to sit with Rochan's husband Fuqua. When your hubby steps out on you once and has an oops baby and you forgive him and you stay, well clearly you must love him a hell of a lot, but when he does it again, any "I'm sorry" lip service from him, goes out the window. 

The man is an out and out class A cheater. Divorce after a long marriage is a real possibility. In some cases, it's actually not just the right thing to do, but also the decent thing to do, rather than treat your former love with contempt and disrespect. 

What I and so many others have wondered in the last few days is why Rochon has stuck with her husband. Speculation has been rife and in the main, it's focused on her weight gain, and the suggestion that Rochon's confidence and self-esteem, have been substantially damaged, during the course of her marriage. 

Fuqua's behavior shows clear and present danger to Rochon, who through his actions has clearly fallen out of love with her. Instead of acknowledging the support and love she has shown him during the course of their marriage, he now doesn't seem to give a damn about humiliating her publically. 

That pendulum of no consequences lasts roughly to the end of your 20s and then welcome to the grown-up reality of your 30s, when things really start to get serious. 

The arrival of big moments like slaying at work, committing to a significant other, marriage and ultimately a family, suddenly you're really not in Kansas anymore. Things are 100% real and you have to knuckle down to weave your way through life, without dropping bombs everywhere.